Have you ever wondered how vulnerable you should be with your team? I have wondered about this for years as I battled and coped with depression and anxiety. The idea of being a team member or âthe bossâ who has it all together can feel like a heavy burden. For years, I viewed vulnerability as something scary. I feared the rejection and shame that could come from being vulnerable. But is vulnerability as negative as I once perceived it to be? The answer from my personal experience and scientific research is no. Vulnerability can be beautiful and is birthed from courage, compassion and connection.
What is Vulnerability?
Vulnerability is âan authentic and intentional willingness to be open to uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure in social situations in spite of fearsâ (Bruk, Scholl, Bless, 2018). Showing vulnerability has three components to it:
- Authenticity: Acting in a way that aligns with how we feel or what we think
- International: Doing it proactively and making the choice to act in a vulnerable way
- Risk: Taking a chance that something negative can happen from being vulnerable
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We often focus on the negative consequences of vulnerability and view it as a sign of weakness. Vulnerability can certainly lead to negative events and feelings, but it can also lead to positive outcomes.
There are four main types of vulnerability:
Personal Vulnerability
This involves sharing personal stories, experiences, or emotions that are not directly related to work. It can include things like discussing family struggles, health concerns, or past failures. This type of vulnerability helps build deeper connections and fosters empathy within the team.
Professional Vulnerability
This refers to admitting mistakes, acknowledging weaknesses, or asking for help in a work-related context. Leaders who show professional vulnerability demonstrate that they are not infallible and create an environment where it’s safe for others to do the same.
Intellectual Vulnerability
This involves sharing ideas that are still in development or admitting a lack of knowledge in a particular area. It encourages open discussion and collaborative problem-solving, as team members feel more comfortable contributing their own thoughts and perspectives.
Social Vulnerability
This encompasses taking risks in social interactions, such as initiating conversations, offering feedback, or asking for support. Leaders who demonstrate social vulnerability can help break down barriers and foster a more inclusive and collaborative team culture.
Each type of vulnerability has its own unique benefits and can be used strategically by leaders to create a more open, trusting, and high-performing team environment.
How do we perceive vulnerability?
Letâs do a mental exercise:
Showing Vulnerability: Remember a time when you were vulnerable, whether it was confessing your love for someone, admitting you made a mistake, or telling someone about an insecurity that you have. Remember how you felt from the moment you decided to be vulnerable to the moment you showed that vulnerability.
Witnessing Vulnerability: Now, think about a time when your friend showed vulnerability. What were the thoughts that went through your mind? How did you view that person, and how did you feel?
BrenĂ© Brown’s research, which involved qualitative interviews and secondary data, showed that individuals tend to be reluctant to show vulnerability and often associate it with negative feelings. However, when it comes to witnessing vulnerability, individuals seem to view it as an act of strength and desirable behavior in others. This leads to the beautiful mess effect: we tend to view our vulnerabilities more negatively than others.
âWe love seeing raw truth and openness in other people, but we are afraid to let them see it in us. I want to experience your vulnerability, but I donât want to be vulnerable. Vulnerability is courage in you and inadequacy in me. Iâm drawn to your vulnerability but repelled by mine."
Vulnerability in Leadership
From my personal experiences, I theorize and believe that showing vulnerability while being a leader improves our capabilities, improves our teamâs perception of us, and creates what I view as a healthy and authentic team environment.Â
When we are vulnerable with our team, it creates a âvulnerability loop.â We show our team that itâs okay to be imperfect, which encourages them to be vulnerable in return. This builds trust, strengthens relationships and fosters a culture of authenticity and support.
In my own experience, I’ve found that being open about my challengesâwhether dealing with a difficult project or navigating a personal setbackâhas brought my team closer together. Back when I led a team of 8 direct reports and was first officially diagnosed with depression and anxiety, I took this opportunity to be open with them about my struggles and leaned on them for support. The end result is that the team and organization was able to accomplish 92% of our strategic goals. It created an environment where the team was able to learn from each otherâs mistakes, struggles and successes.
When we feel safe to be ourselves at work, we’re more likely to take risks, share ideas, and collaborate effectively. We’re not wasting energy trying to hide our flaws or pretending to be someone we’re not. Instead, we can focus on what we do best and contribute our unique talents to the team.
Research has shown that teams with high levels of psychological safetyâwhere members feel comfortable being vulnerableâare more innovative and productive (Edmondson, 1999). They’re also more likely to stay together, reducing organizations’ turnover costs. Studies have also shown the positive impact that being authentic and vulnerable has on our own mental health (Cozby, 1973).
When is it right to be vulnerable?
I have been privileged to live and work in environments that allow me to be vulnerable. I have told nearly every manager I worked with about my mental health challenges and each time it has been received well and allowed me to show up at my best at work.
However, being vulnerable isnât always the right choice. There are certain situations and environments that may prevent you as a leader or team member from being vulnerable. When deciding if you should be vulnerable, you should consider the following:
- Your safety: Is it safe to be vulnerable in this situation?
- Trust: Can you trust the person you’re considering opening up to?
- Relationship dynamics: Is there a power imbalance that could be exploited?
- Context: Is this the appropriate time and place to share this information?
- Your boundaries: Are you comfortable sharing this information?
Being vulnerable will never be easy, but itâs a risk worth taking in certain situations. It’s important to recognize that vulnerability is a spectrum, and it’s up to our judgment and comfort level to determine the degree of vulnerability we want to show. While we donât need to be vulnerable all the time, I believe that a certain level of vulnerability fosters healthy environments, closer relationships, and positive mental health.
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References:
Brown, B. (2012). Daring greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead. London, UK: Penguin.
Bruk, A., Scholl, S. G., & Bless, H. (2018). Beautiful mess effect: Selfâother differences in evaluation of showing vulnerability. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 115(2), 192â205. https://doi.org/10.1037/pspa0000120
Cozby, P. C. (1973). Self-disclosure: A literature review. Psychological Bulletin, 79, 73â91. http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/h0033950
Edmondson, A. (1999). Psychological Safety and Learning Behavior in Work Teams. Administrative Science Quarterly, 44(2), 350â383. doi.org/10.2307/266699
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